You Know You’re an ER Nurse When…

  1.  You can’t walk around town without seeing your frequent flyer drunk/homeless clientele panhandling/getting arrested/participating in other questionable activities…

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    See you in two hours bob when you are “found passed out in park” …again

  2.   You are not shocked at all to hear that your patient with the black eyes who got the shit beat out of them was  just “minding their own business”

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    could’ve had me fooled

  3.  your patients mistake you for a flight attendant/waitress/maid…
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    Yeah Susan, I’ll get right on that, after I finish doing CPR on Mr. B over here.

     

  4.  When you think anyone who isn’t on a critical drip or on a vent is “fine”…

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    go home

  5. You have perfected the art of listening to a patient describe what is “accidentally stuck in my vagina/rectum” without making a facial expression…

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    and how did you say it got up there? OH you fell…

  6. When you are more afraid of bed bugs than TB and MRSA…
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    brb going to douse myself in bleach in the decon room

     

  7.  You can talk about room 8’s profuse diarrhea , the maggots crawling out of room 24’s leg wound and the homeless pt’s trench foot all while simultaneously eating your dinner like it aint no thing…

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    i’ll have some fries with that

  8.  You are banned from talking about anything work related at family/holiday dinners because last year you made everyone throw up and aunt Jane almost passed out

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    “what ? we all poop, its normal you guys”- me trying to rationalize my topic of choice

  9.  You are wish ther was such thing as nebulized/aerosolized Ativan

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    *dreams of peaceful waiting room and happy patients*

  10. You know what a B52 is…

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    no caption necessary

  11. Your patient in triage doesn’t want to wait  and threatens to leave and “call an ambulance and  so I can get right in to a room”…

    giphy6

    great idea carol no one has thought of that before. also surpise, you’re still going to triage

  12.  You would rather take care of a coding patient than a cyclical vomiter…
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    *literally finds anything else to do besides take care of cyclical vomiter*

     

  13.  “Stop doing drugs”, “Stop drinking alcohol”, “Make better choices” are all legitimate d/c instructions

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  14.  You are constantly  checking out random people’s veins everywhere you go & mentally choosing what size IV you’d use

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  15.  You’ve had a patient walk into triage/come in by ambulance with multiple suitcases/luggage bags in tow

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    “better bring all these bags in case Im admitted”

  16.  You are angry for no reason, have zero form of emotion and tell the most vile stories and jokes without blinking an eye

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  17.  Your normally noncompliant diabetic patient requests food/a sandwich because ” I am diabetic and I haven’t eaten”

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    interesting how you don’t check your blood sugars regularly or take your insulin but let me stop everything I am doing to make sure you get a sandwich for all that insulin you did NOT take.

  18.  When you’re assessing the level of orientation of a patient and you aren’t even sure of the answer

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    wait it’s Tuesday,right?

  19.  when you are in triage and ask the AOx3 patient who ambulated in with soda &chips in hand what their emergency is and wait for them to put on the theatrics…

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    “pt states he literally can’t even”

  20. When your patient doesn’t want to be discharged for whatever reason (doesn’t want to d/c to jail, wants more pain medication, a warm bed to sleep in…etc) and drops the SI bomb

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    drunkacidal is a real thing

  21.  You know that LOL means little old lady

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    arriving by ambulance , ETA 5 min to room 5: LOL FDGB

And finally, You know you are an ED nurse when you put up with all of this, and keep coming back to work because you love your job & can’t imagine doing anything else.

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But honestly, the list goes on and on. What are some other reasons you know you are an ED nurse? Comment to share! 

**disclaimer: ED nurses are subject to some of the weirdest, most bizzare, emotionally upsetting, physically exhausting scenarios you could ever imagine. This post is meant to be something that ED nurses can relate to and laugh over, in order to cope with some of the craziness we deal with. This post in no way is meant to be rude, or hurtful to any group(s)of people– it is only meant to be satirical and something us ED nurses can laugh and bond over after a crazy day/week/month/etc.

 

 

 

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17 Things Almost every RN can Surely Relate To

If you’re a nurse- regardless of what your specialty is- I am sure you will be able to relate to some of these! Again, I can’t emphasize how much that I love my job and my patients but sometimes nursing can be so difficult that we need to have an outlet for little humor to make it all balance out. Do you agree?

1. Having a patient on precautions and feeling convinced that you now have MRSA/C-diff

2. The moment that super overbearing and annoying family member leaves

3. The patient is smiling and moving around in bed but when asked to rate her pain she says 9/10 after pushing on her belly.

4. Those awkward times when you’re not sure if you actually have free time or you’re just forgetting something.

5.Whenever a patient says “Well I read on the internet/wedMD…”

6. When you hear the IV pump start alarming as soon as you get back to the nurses station.

7. Care plans…

8. When your rude and verbally abusive patient threatens to sign an AMA

9.  You finally help to get your patient to fall asleep around 5 am only for them to be woken up by all the med students and residents an hour later… #nightshiftproblems

10. Your family and friends tell you EVERYTHING (I mean no holding back) about themselves in hopes you can diagnose them. “I know this may be TMI but…”

11. When someone says “you’re soooo smart” &  asks why you didn’t go to med school and become a doctor.

You’ve got some nerve…

12. Leaving work and always awkwardly saying “have a good night… I mean, sleep”

I really can’t be sure what day of the week it is

13.  It doesn’t matter if you are running around sweating for the entire 12 hours, somehow your hands will ALWAYS be ice cold.

14.  When your non-healthcare friends think that you get to take naps/sleep during the night shift…

15. The patient who is so complicated &needy who monopolizes your time thus making you feel like you didn’t provide optimal care to your other patients (who happen to be nice and normal).

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16. How I feel at the end of my 3 12’s :

17. Me giving report off on all my train-wreck patients …

But at the end of the day, even on the toughest days, even on the verge of tears, even when I say “I can’t do this”… I find the strength inside that I can do it, and I can do it with passion. I wouldn’t trade my job or my experiences for anything in the world.

A question I’ve gotten has been, “if you won the lottery, would you quit your job?”. I mean this is tempting and all but I didn’t go to school for nothing, and I am not continuing to go to school for nothing. I love what I do and it is a huge part of my life. Yeah they say we “make decent money”, but are nurses nurses for the money? I like to think it’s deeper than that!

What do you guys think? Would you quit your job if you won the lottery? Can you relate to this blog posting whether or not you are a nurse or work in another field?

Thanks for reading!

A Typical Day as a Mother/Baby Nurse

I have been a postpartum nurse for about 2.5 years now. Just to clarify, I absolutely love my job and love what I do. As with all nursing, it can be extremely stressful, which is why sometimes a little humor is necessary. I love my patients and what I do and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. This post isn’t made to belittle my patients or be negligent, it is simply meant to be an outlet for some humor that I am sure some other postpartum nurses can relate to! Enjoy!

1. When you first walk onto the floor and there are already 10 call lights going off and you just know it is going to be a good shift.

yay!

2. You see your name on the assignment sheet for the first admission…

and it’s a primip c-section, insulin dependent on a PCA…

3.Your patient has large pendulous breasts and flat nipples but insists on breastfeeding without a shield or pump.  She does want your help… until you start helping and she does her own thing, which happens to be exactly the opposite of what you were trying to tell her.

well this is exhausting

4. Then there is the patient whose husband is telling her how to breastfeed and acting like the certified lactation expert…. but doing it all wrong and clearly offending the patient

since he’s the “expert”, i’m just going to leave now…

5. “Im allergic to acetaminophen, motrin, toradol, oxycodone, I can’t remember the name of the one I’m not allergic to but it starts with a D…

let me guess. Dilaudid is the only thing that works right?

6. When your patient s/p vaginal delivery with a 1st degree lac will not get OOB due to 10/10 pain and your brand new c/s patient is walking the halls like a champ.

I understand pain is subjective and different for everyone but you are not dying, please please get out of bed!!

7. When your patient asks you if you are even a nurse because  you you look old enough to be in high school…

my badge says RN, BSN. Yes I wen’t to COLLEGE for 4 years for this degree.

8. The patient who rings the call bell 2 minutes after you leave their room just as you sit down to chart and 20+ times through your shift to ask for little things like ” a cup of water” or “turn the light off” or “adjust the bed” (which are patient controlled)….

I really don’t mind helping you but I do have other patients to take care of who need my help too!

9. To the patient who tells you she had the most MISERABLE labor ever and that she is so exhausted and can’t do anything and that her whole birth plan went to waste (But in her history and records it was a relatively normal delivery with no complications)

it actually really does stink that your birth plan didn’t work out the way you wanted and I feel for you but I have no control over how your labor went and how your baby wanted to come out.

10. When you find out you have a normal intact couplet with no social issues and a healthy baby…

Thank you thank you thank you!!

11. Your baby is grunting, flaring, retracting and satting 90-92%,  and you call for someone to evaluate but NICU thinks its “just transitioning” and is fine…

I will document that crap out of this.

12. “Please take my baby to the nursery for the night so I can sleep I am so exhausted. But no pacifiers and no formula. And I want at least 4 hours of sleep”

hahahah you’re funny

13. You walk into your patient’s room and her husband/FOB is in his underwear, JUST his underwear.

way uncalled for, this is a hospital for God’s sake!

14. Your patient obsessing about having a BM… literally obsessing, but refusing a suppository.

TRUST me it will happen.

15. But at the end of the day, despite all the hard work you get to punch out, go home and go to sleep!

hallelujah! Until next shift!